“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”
Charles R. Swindoll
Hello, dear fellow parents,
Here I am with you, chatting and sharing thoughts about one of the most challenging parts of parenthood – How to Respond and Don’t React ?
Have you been here – your child just said or did something that triggers your anger and in no time you find yourself stressed out, shouting, judging, disappointed – most often overreacting and making a big issue from a small thing …?
I have been a mindfulness coach now for more than three years and I am teaching other parents about kindful parenting, and I am still learning this skill. It was only yesterday that I found myself shouting, blaming and overreacting …now what ?
Firstly, please take a deep breath in and out. And take a moment to reflect on those challenging situations.
Secondly, acknowledge that you are a human being, not a machine and we all have our own limits, ups and downs, challenging moments …And YES this is OK! – you are still a good and loving parent and kind person 🙂
Third and very important, do not beat and blame yourself afterwards. Reach for some degree of self-compassion – a small act of self-care would help – for example visit a cosy cafe and enjoy your favourite drink (this is what I am doing right now) or give a call to a close friend or family member and share what you are going through.
Once you got back to your balance and the high emotions stepped back – think about MINDFULNESS.
I don’t want to say MINDFULNESS is the ultimate painkiller, but is one of these proven tools that could help us to gradually train our minds and become more able to manage difficult situations and reach to our inner wisdom.
By incorporating mindfulness into our parenting toolkit, we can regain control over our reactions and create a more serene and supportive environment for our children to thrive.
When our child’s behaviour triggers an emotional response within us, mindfulness provides us with the invaluable gift of pause. Instead of automatically jumping to conclusions or giving in to anger, we can take a moment to breathe, centre ourselves, and acknowledge our feelings. This pause allows us to respond thoughtfully, considering the bigger picture and the impact our words and actions may have on our child’s emotional well-being.
When we respond, rather than react, we model for our children the importance of self-regulation and emotional intelligence. By demonstrating a composed and thoughtful approach, we teach them how to handle challenging situations in a constructive manner. This valuable life skill will benefit them not only in their interactions with us but also in their future relationships and encounters with the world.
Practising mindfulness as parents also helps us cultivate empathy and compassion for our children. When we approach their behaviour with a mindful lens, we can better understand the underlying emotions and needs driving their actions. By seeing beyond the surface level, we can respond in a way that addresses their needs while fostering a deeper connection between us.
Moreover, mindfulness teaches us to let go of the need for perfection. Parenting is a constant learning process, and we may stumble along the way. However, by embracing mindfulness, we can approach these moments of imperfection with self-compassion and grace. We can acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, and offer a heartfelt apology when necessary, fostering an environment of mutual respect and growth.
Like all other skills Mindfulness needs practice to master it. Incorporating mindfulness into our daily lives can be done in various ways. Engaging in simple breathing exercises, practising meditation, or taking mindful walks can help us anchor ourselves in the present moment. Additionally, setting aside designated time for self-care and self-reflection allows us to replenish our own emotional reserves, enabling us to show up as our best selves for our children.
As parents, we are tasked with nurturing the hearts and minds of our children, and by embracing mindfulness, we enhance our ability to do so effectively. So, let us embark on this journey together, committed to responding, not reacting, to the challenges that arise in our parenting experiences. By cultivating mindfulness, we create a foundation of love, understanding, and resilience that will ripple through generations.
One of the most powerful tools to cultivate mindfulness and the skill to pause is practising mindful meditation. I do acknowledge it is not easy to find a time or space for it, but you may wish to give it a go.
No matter if you are a beginner or already have experience with mindful meditation, you may wish to try this one. Find a quiet space and listen to the record, you do not need to do anything, just listen and trust the process.
Happy to hear how it was for you ?
Wishing you moments of peace, growth, and deep connection with your children.
With warmth and gratitude,
Theya